EP 165 Realistic and Simple Self-Care Strategies

Welcome to today's episode where we dive into a hot topic that many moms can relate to: balancing it all. I'm sharing my insights on juggling motherhood, a career, and self-care with four kids, a homestead, a successful business, and returning to school. 

In this episode hear all about: 

1. Why Support Systems Are Essential
2. What Realistic Self-Care Means
3. How to Return to the Basics
4. The Importance of Setting Boundaries
5. Mindfulness Techniques in Everyday Tasks

In this episode, you'll be encouraged and taught how to start small by implementing one or two self-care practices and gradually adding more over time. 
I guarantee by using these strategies to prioritize your basic self-care needs, you'll alleviate daily pressures and enhance your overall well-being.

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Chapters

• 0:02 Realistic Self-Care for Postpartum Women
• 9:58 Daily Routine and Self-Care Practice
• 19:25 Motherhood Self-Care Essentials

Transcript

Maranda Bower: 0:02

Depression, anxiety and autoimmune symptoms after birth is not how it's supposed to be. There is a much better way, and I'm here to show you how to do just that. Hey, my friend, I'm Miranda Bauer, a mother to four kids and a biology student turned scientist obsessed with changing the world through postpartum care. Join us as we talk to mothers and the providers who serve them and getting evidence-based information that actually supports the mind, body and soul in the years after birth. Hey, everyone, welcome to today's episode. And it's of course Miranda Bauer and I want to get into a hot topic here, and I get asked this all the time. It's of course Miranda Bauer and I want to get into a hot topic here, and I get asked this all the time it's Miranda, how do you do it all?

Maranda Bower: 0:51

I have four kids from four years to 14 years old. I have a homestead 40 acres in the middle of nowhere, alaska. We run a multi six-figure company. Like I, go to school full-time. How do you do it all? And the short answer is first, I don't. I do have a lot of support in my life. That is so necessary in order to do the things that I do. I have assistants that support me in my business. I have a very hands-on husband who helps me with kids and school and practices and all of the things that are with having four kids as well as managing a house and a homestead. Of course, I'm on my own when it comes to school and that's like kind of self-inflicted behavior, but it's something that I can fit in because I do have these support systems in my life and I will tell you, it was not always that way. You know, I was a single mom for a really long time. I have struggled immensely financially where the idea of being able to afford my own home, let alone a box of cereal, was just not an option whatsoever many, many years ago, and so obviously things have gone to a different place and the way in which I have been able to do that is what I really want to talk with you today about, because it is these subtle changes, these subtle things that we can do, which I call realistic self-care, and I know self-care is like this huge buzzword lately, as it kind of should be.

Maranda Bower: 2:37

It's gotten that reputation for a good reason, because, honestly, being a mother and having multiple children or having really young children, the idea of bubble baths and getting your nails done and you know. Solo target trips those are. Those are ridiculous ideas. Spa days, right, like, yeah, they're available to some, but they're certainly not available to us all the time, and especially during certain times in our lives where we're in a season where that's just not a thing. It's not something that we get to do or appreciate or honor, because life is just crazy or maybe we don't have the support systems or our baby is too young. Whatever the case may be, I'm telling you, I get you, I feel you.

Maranda Bower: 3:22

It is a slow process and today I really want to talk about getting back to the basics, because, holy crap, is postpartum all about getting to the basics? You think about it? Right? Our babies, like, the sole focus, is learning how to live in their bodies. They're learning how to digest, they're learning how to poop and they're learning how to poop and they're learning how to sleep, right, like those three things, and I feel like that is so on par with moms as well. Right, we're learning how to poop. Again, everything is really important when it comes to poop. We're trying to nourish ourselves as much as possible and we're trying to get as much sleep. Right, it is seriously a return to the very basics of being a human and to take it even a step further as, like, we're growing into this new body and into this new space.

Maranda Bower: 4:16

It can be really overwhelming. There's a lot of uncertainty, and that is completely normal, but I wanna give you some real strategies that I have used to get to where I am today and that I still use today in order to support myself and my nervous system so that I can function at a high level. Y'all these are the things that I have done that have been absolutely life-changing, and they start right now. Postpartum is a time where you are entering into some serious brain and chemical changes. Your brain synopsis and your neurotransmitters they're changing. The way you function is simply changing, and there's no better time to start having some practices that you can do now.

Maranda Bower: 5:07

But I want to caveat here and say that it's not about adding new things to your list. You already have a significant amount of things to do, and I think this is where self-care really takes us out, because we think we have to step away. We think that we have to go schedule something, we have to go pay money in order to experience self-care, whatever the case may be, and I'm telling you that is so far from the truth. I'm going to bring you right back to the basics, where we are and where we have to be in order to learn how to thrive. Okay, and some of these might sound like super seriously silly, but you, as a mom, will also catch on, and it doesn't matter where you are in your postpartum journey. I don't care if you're, you know, a couple months in to several years in, or if you're a professional I know that so many professionals who are in providers are listening in on this too Like these are things that not only you wanna teach your clients, but also how you want to support yourself, and they're just good for everyone, and we wanna teach our children these.

Maranda Bower: 6:13

Okay, so let me tell you bathroom breaks. I know so silly, right, but honestly, how often do we not allow ourselves to use the bathroom or that we have to go and we forget? These are not okay things and I think we need to be really honest with ourselves and maybe even make a plan or really make going to the bathroom an okay thing for us to do when we actually have the urge. Look, if our husbands can go to the bathroom for 20 minute bathroom breaks. There's absolutely no reason why we can't go pee for 30 seconds, no reason. Like it's not, it's like not a thing. So often we put these restrictions on ourselves that have been built through trauma and like this, this absolute need to constantly be there that we put on ourselves. And, yes, there's some situations where it's like it. You know you might have to hold it for a hot minute, but that's all it should be, and then you are taking care of yourself Like that's it. There's no ifs ands or buts about it. We can do this for ourselves and feel good. And let me tell you, set some dang boundaries my toddlers when they were kids.

Maranda Bower: 7:42

I remember this one time. I have to tell the story. My daughter was 18 months and I had to go to the bathroom and I'm on the toilet and, of course, she walks in and I said, honey, I just need my privacy, can you please? And that was it, can you please? Like I just need my privacy. I was like having a moment and she looked at me with like these big, bright blue eyes, like, oh, yes, like she got it. And I was like, oh, my gosh, she's got it. Like I could see it in her face. You know what she does. She goes and she closes the door and she sits right next to me and I thought, oh, yes, yes, I remember now we are one, right, myself and my child and her perspective of yeah, you need privacy from everybody else because you and I are one. Yes, that is so beautiful and so helpful and so funny and so cute.

Maranda Bower: 8:40

But also it is completely okay to make the separation and to teach our children that this is my time right here on this toilet and I know that I am right here with you when you go to the toilet all the time. But when you become a big kid or when you become older, this is not a thing, and mommy just really likes to have a time by myself. And I make it very clear so at a young age and it was after this experience where I had a serious conversation that hurt nobody's feelings y'all, nobody was hurt in the process of this where I said this is what makes mommy feel good I need to go potty by myself and have the door closed and there's no fingers under the door, there's no knocking on the door, there's no coming in or asking mommy questions, you have to wait, and setting those boundaries are so, so amazing, because you also teach your kids how to set appropriate boundaries too. And we carried those boundaries throughout. Not only do you not come talk to mommy when I'm in the bathroom, but also there's this quiet time during the day.

Maranda Bower: 9:58

And at first it was nap time, right, but as your kids get older and there's no more nap time, there still needs to be this quiet space in the middle of the day. That's how I functioned, like I relied on that quiet space. It was my time to have some self-reflection. It was my time to just sit and be and take a breath. It was my time to read a book or take a cat nap myself, whatever it was, and I absolutely needed that space. And so when my kids started getting older and not taking naps anymore, we still had quiet time. It was time where you colored quietly in your bed Like that's a thing y'all, like I did not care. You color quietly in your bed with a coloring book and some crayons. You can do puzzles in your bed. We would set up books and so they would have like these quiet time activities and then we would legit set a timer that they were able to watch and see and they knew like when that timer went off, then they were able to get up, put away their stuff and go be wild, crazy, feral kids again. But during this time it was quiet, not a peep. Like you're not asking mommy questions, there's no sound, mommy's not making sounds, you're not making sounds, this is quiet time. And you're in your bed, like they have their own, like little water bottles, so nobody's asking me for water, and they go potty before, like we had a serious routine and still to this day, y'all, it is what my kids do. We have an afternoon quiet time and that is laying some serious boundaries and it's so absolutely, epically amazing.

Maranda Bower: 12:34

I'm going to tell you another thing that's been so helpful for us is less is more. I found like minimalism, but I do it in kind of this modified way where it's just like the less there is, the less there is to clean. If it doesn't bring me joy, it doesn't belong in my house. Like my living room and I brag about this often it takes me five minutes to clean. I am not spent doing so much work for my home, which is always really important to me.

Maranda Bower: 13:10

A lot of people come over and they're like Miranda, your house is always clean and I was like, yeah, because I don't have anything. Like there's like this one part in my house which is our art cabinet, and that's where all the Play-Doh lives and markers, and paints and you know all the things, and it's like it's like an art cupboard really, like that's where and all the games are in there too, and it's right in our, our living room and it's a it's like a China hutch for real. But we, like my kids, are so artsy and um into all of those things and so they have like all their, all their stuff, right, coloring books, everything you can imagine, paint, stamps, all the things, and so that's like probably the most chaotic piece of my entire house is that art cabinet that constantly needs to be taken care of. But I've gone through so many things in our house and it's just things that are not necessary, things that don't belong, and it's out, it's gone.

Maranda Bower: 14:08

Like less is more, the less that I have to do the better, and so majority of my work is cleaning floors, because God knows there's crumbs everywhere all the time. Like I don't even know how and we have boundaries and rules. Like you sit at the table when you're eating. Who knows how this happens, right, dirt kids running in the house, you know from playing outside. Whatever the case may be, it's always a thing. So, cleaning floors, doing dishes and laundry and here's what I've done with those right, those are my constant things and that is where I get to practice so much mindfulness. Okay, I'm serious. These are bringing me back to basics here. These are self-care tools. When I go to do the dishes, I am not thinking about what Susie said to me a week ago and how frustrated I am with X, y, z and does. Do I need to take my daughter in to go see her doc because of whatever rash is happening? Like? You know what I mean All the things that we constantly think of. Our brain is going, going, going, going. When I get to my dishes and I put those gloves on, it is my time to focus on my deep breathing and making my mind go blank. Hey, I'm going to be a hundred percent straight with you.

Maranda Bower: 15:30

The postpartum world is changing right now and I know you feel it. It's in the politics, our community spaces. There is an urgent need to implement a different approach to postpartum health. If you're an alternative provider or postpartum advocate, you need to be with us in the Postpartum University Pro Membership Get the method, the tools, the handouts, the advanced trainings and so much more to not only help your clients and your business grow, but to help you grow too. Marketwatch says that the afterbirth services and nutrition and support is set for extraordinary growth by 2030. Don't miss your opportunity to help women and families who desperately need your holistic support. Go to wwwpostpartumucom. Slash membership. We're accepting registrations right now and we can't wait to see you there. I'm telling you it's a game changer. It's an absolute game changer, and so now I actually look forward to doing the dishes.

Maranda Bower: 16:40

I know gasp right, and the same is applicable for laundry and cleaning the floors. I feel good cleaning my house and it's actually a type of therapy for me. Now. It's not always been. It was a lot of childhood trauma around being clean, but it now makes me feel so good because I've made it a game in my in my head, where it's like this is my meditative time, this is my time to relax and turn my brain off. Now, it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes I find myself in a state of just like I'm going to be grateful, like I need to be grateful that this laundry exists. I need to be grateful that these dishes are needing to be done, that I have food to put on the table, that I have children to feed and like I just get into, like the state of gratitude, and sometimes it's prayer. Sometimes I am sitting there and I am just praying. I'm praying hard for whatever it is that we go through, because guess what? Life is full of times where challenges exist.

Maranda Bower: 17:50

Right, I just shared about how my daughter was so sick and there was a lot of worry about not only the situation but also the time after the healing. It took over a week for her to have a solid meal in her belly, to be able to accept that meal in her belly and not have any issues, and then to heal from that afterward, where it's like now we've got to work on nourishment, now we've got to work on gut health, because it just like wiped her entire body out. And those are the things that I just they were on my mind, heavily on my mind, and the idea of having a blank mind just didn't seem like a very thing that I could pull off, and there's times with that. So, instead of doing you know, I'm going to practice mindfulness and try and have a blank mind, which is not easy, y'all, if you're like, how, how in the world do you do that you? You don't just do it, you work up to it. It takes time, it takes patience, it's like a muscle that you constantly have to work out and eventually you'll get it and eventually it gets better. But sometimes that feels impossible and so, instead of doing that, I just sat and prayed for my daughter and for the wisdom to help her and nourish her and care for her, and that's like my whole time doing the dishes, cleaning the floor, running the 15th load of laundry for the week right. Those are the times where I really get to be and check in.

Maranda Bower: 19:25

Here's another one that I feel is so incredible and seriously life-changing, where you do two minutes or five minutes and you do these little body check-ins with yourself. I do this right when I wake up, I do this before I go to bed and I do this throughout the day, right, like I'll pull up to go pick my kids up from school or from gymnastics practice, and I'm like I'm gonna, before I walk into that building, before I go pick them up, I'm gonna sit here with myself for two minutes, five minutes. Sometimes you have to set a timer and I'm just gonna check in with myself, like, how am I doing? How am I feeling? What is it that I need? Right, this is the time to refuel. This is the time to be like, oh yeah, I'm hungry. Or oh yeah, I haven't drinking water in a while. Or, oh my gosh, you know what? That scenario earlier today that happened. I am just like I'm feeling a lot of sadness from that. Right, and to just be able to check in and like go through some emotions that you weren't able to process before because you were in the chaos of running life with children.

Maranda Bower: 20:39

Do this often throughout the day, and I'm not talking about just like, right, when you wake up, or right when you go to bed, or or you know all of the other times. I'm saying like, do this regularly. If you have to set a timer on your phone for every two hours or every hour, do it. Gift yourself the time to check in and teach your children this too. Like if you have toddlers or older, there's no reason why you can't be like oh, it's time to check in. I'm gonna listen into my body, like you know what's my body feeling? Can you listen into your body, what's your body feeling and and just like, really hone in on those things.

Maranda Bower: 21:21

Take moments to take deep breaths. You know, if it's I have to take these two minutes or five minutes and these deep breath moments before I pick up my phone, do that, like, make it a constant habit. To make that happen, I will tell you, the phone thing is a game changer too, like if you can program your body to take deep breaths and connect in every single time you wanna pick up your phone, oh, my goodness, you will find yourself picking up the phone less often because that dopamine hit is just not needed anymore, because you just took time to take care of your basic needs. Amazing, savoring moments of connection with your baby, whether it's cuddles and eye contact, sharing smiles, like. Sometimes we get so lost in the chaos of motherhood that we forget to like really connect in on these moments and cherish them for what they are. The other one, of course.

Maranda Bower: 22:28

Course is and I've mentioned it throughout, like during our five-minute check-ins and our deep breathing and our mindfulness and setting boundaries and bathroom breaks that we're prioritizing also our hydration and nutrition. It's not an afterthought, it comes before everything else. You know we do this for our kids and we recognize how significant it is for our children. Like my kids have to walk around with a water bottle everywhere they go and I'm constantly like you know, touting how much water have you drank today? Like, make sure you get some more. Like we live in a very dry space. You need lots of water, and it's constant reminders and I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta do the same thing. Right, take care of yourself, and I promise it's easier to take care of your children when you take care of yourself. Okay, so those are my back to basics, realistic tools for supporting yourself in motherhood.

Maranda Bower: 23:25

I don't recommend like going out and being like okay, today I am gonna have a brand new day and I'm going to set some boundaries. We're having a family meeting. I'm gonna get rid of everything in my house. I'm gonna have these five minute check-ins. Like just take one or two suggestions and start implementing them into your life and then, in a couple months, pick something else, put it on your calendar, to come back to this episode and re-listen and be like okay, what is it that I wanna do now? What worked for me, what didn't?

Maranda Bower: 23:57

And you'll find that what works for me might not work for you, as long as you keep giving it an effort. Like what's the most important thing here Is that quiet time, is it your bathroom breaks? Giving it an effort, like what's the most important thing here Is that quiet time? Is it your bathroom breaks? Like what would make the biggest difference in your day? Start with that one thing and figure out how to make it work. Treat it like a science experiment.

Maranda Bower: 24:25

Okay, miranda said this, and that works great. Or Miranda said this and it does not work for my family. Okay, that's fine too, but now it's like what does work for my family? How do I make this happen? And I'm telling you, there's always a way. There is always a way, and many of these things are really not something that are negotiable. They're not like this privilege that some moms are going to have and some moms aren't. No, this is like real life you need to have in order to function and live, kind of things.

Maranda Bower: 24:56

Right, I didn't even put in there having a 20 minute shower. I didn't put in there a solo target trip. I did not put in there a spa day, right, I get that those things are my might not feel like they are obtainable in any way, even though many of them should like a freaking shower. A 20 minute shower should be something that is on our list at least every other day. Let's be real, okay. But if it's not, these are things that you do have control over. These are things that you can change without the help of somebody else, that are really important.

Maranda Bower: 25:32

So I hope this has been super amazing for you Lots of to-dos and amazing things that are on your list that are going to help you take off a lot of the pressure of the everyday stuff. I'm telling you it is a game changer, and I am here in the place that I am today because I was able to implement these things and still use them on the daily. They have literally transformed our lives and the way we function on a day-to-day, and that is so so dang critical. Back to basics y'all. I'm telling you it's a game changer. I am so grateful you turned into the Postpartum University podcast. We've hoped you enjoyed this episode enough to leave us a quick review and, more importantly, I hope more than ever that you take what you've learned here, applied it to your own life and consider joining us in the postpartum university membership. It's a private space where mothers and providers learn the real truth and the real tools needed to heal in the years postpartum. You can learn more at wwwpostpartumucom. We'll see you next week.