Postpartum University® Podcast

ADHD or Mom Brain? The Cognitive Struggles No One Talks About in Motherhood EP 187

• Maranda Bower, Postpartum Nutrition Specialist

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ADHD or Mom Brain? >> Is "Mom Brain" a myth or could it really be ADHD? What really IS the difference? 

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https://postpartumu.com/adhd-or-mom-brain-the-cognitive-struggles-no-one-talks-about-in-motherhood-ep-187-2/

In this episode of Postpartum University Podcast, we're exploring the surprising cognitive struggles many mothers face, comparing ADHD with "Mom Brain." 

In this episode, we unpack the signs and symptoms, helping you better support your clients and understand their experiences. Join me as we explore these important topics that affect both moms and the professionals who support them! If you find this episode insightful, please share it with your network of postpartum providers. Together, we can enhance our understanding and support for new mothers during this transformative time!

KEY TIME STAMPS

  • 00:00 - Introduction to the complexities of motherhood
  • 02:12 - What is “mom brain” and how does it manifest?
  • 04:15 - Emotional fluctuations: How common are they?
  • 07:33 - The impact of hormones and sleep on new moms
  • 09:05 - Recognizing ADHD in postpartum clients
  • 11:47 - Nutrition’s role in cognitive function
  • 14:50 - The significance of finding the right healthcare support
  • 16:30 - My personal experience with ADHD diagnosis
  • 19:02 - Understanding emotional swings in postpartum care
  • 21:20 - Holistic strategies for managing postpartum challenges
  • 23:45 - Navigating conversations about mental health with clients
  • 26:38 - Prioritizing self-care in your postpartum practice
  • 29:10 - Encouraging acceptance of change in motherhood
  • 31:45 - Final thoughts: Promoting grace and understanding in your practice

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Speaker 1:

Depression, anxiety and autoimmune symptoms after birth is not how it's supposed to be. There is a much better way, and I'm here to show you how to do just that. Hey, my friend, I'm Miranda Bauer, a mother to four kids and a biology student turned scientist obsessed with changing the world through postpartum care. Join us as we talk to mothers and the providers who serve them and getting evidence-based information that actually supports the mind, body and soul in the years after birth. Hey, hey, my friends, welcome back to another episode of Postpartum University Podcast. Today we are diving into a topic that doesn't get nearly enough attention, especially when it comes to motherhood, and that's the conversation around ADHD and what we call mom brain.

Speaker 1:

Now let me start by saying that ADHD is very real. It's a neurological disorder that affects so many people, and it's important to acknowledge these changes that come with it. I have seen ADHD impact loved ones, friends, clients and likely myself. I am not diagnosed, but I will tell you I have grown up in a very particular situation. I have grown up in a way that has really made it clear that I likely have it, and failing kindergarten was probably my parents' first understanding of ADHD, along with many, many others. So I'm going to tell you that, yes, I get it, it's real, it should be taken seriously, and I'm no way dismissing ADHD in this episode.

Speaker 1:

But here is where it gets interesting, because I wanna flip the conversation around and talk about something that many of us experience but hardly anyone talks about deeply, and that is mom brain. And you know that foggy, forgetful, can't seem to focus overwhelm that so many of us feel after having kids. That often looks like ADHD when it's not. We joke about mom brain pretty frequently, like how often do we say oh, I forgot my kids again must be mom brain. But what if I told you that mom brain and ADHD symptoms overlap in more ways than we realize? In fact, some of the same cognitive struggles that people with ADHD experience, like forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, losing track of time, they are really, really similar to what mothers experience on a daily basis. And here's the kicker this isn't just some cute term for being forgetful, like oh, I've got mom brain. There's actual science behind why moms feel this way and we need to talk about it, because if we dismiss it as just a quirk of motherhood, then we're missing the chance to address some real cognitive challenges and blessings. So I want to start off with a pretty mind-blowing fact.

Speaker 1:

When you become a mom, your brain actually shrinks in size. Research shows that mothers experience this reduction of gray matter in certain areas of the brain, particularly those involved in social cognition and theory of mind. So this is like the brain's way of optimizing and streamlining the neural pathways needed for you to be more attuned to your baby's needs. So before you start freaking out and worrying about losing brain power, let me be super, super clear with you. This shrinking of gray matter does not mean you're losing intelligence. In fact, it's quite the opposite. So the brain is becoming more efficient. It's focusing on areas that are most important for caring for a baby and a child, and this process allows you to become more in tune with your baby's emotional cues, help you anticipate their needs, read their expressions, bond with them on a safer level and keep them safe.

Speaker 1:

Okay, this is why so many women experience intrusive thoughts. It's because of the brain changes and the brain chemistry that is occurring in the body to make sure that baby stays safe. And this is this. Is it right? Here we have we walk across, you know, by a balcony edge, or we get in a car, or we are about to walk down the steps and we have this really awful intrusive thought come running at us telling us this is danger warning signs, right, like the warning signs are blaring. You get this ugly thought in your head and you start to panic, and that panic actually makes it significantly worse. And what we really need to do is recognize okay, my brain is changing, it's literally rewiring so that I can make sure that my baby is safe.

Speaker 1:

What a blessing, right? Because there was a time where we didn't necessarily have balconies and steps and cars to jump in, but instead we had lions and bears to run from. We had a baby to protect from the cold, from harsh environments, from animals from. You know that? Think way back in. You know the quote, unquote, caveman era, right, that's where it comes from. And so these tools, they're so necessary for us, they let us connect in with our babies at such a deeper level.

Speaker 1:

That is a blessing, okay, but here's the catch the reorganization of the brain requires such a tremendous amount of energy, and because your brain is undergoing these changes while you're sleep deprived and stressed and dealing with hormone fluctuations and not getting the physical and mental and emotional support that you so deserve. During this time it really feels like you're forgetful, you're scattered, you're unfocused, and that's legit. Mom brain in action and the process of rewiring the brain during the postpartum period is so incredible. Okay, I've got the biggest nerd brain ever, but it's also incredibly taxing for us. Your brain is building new neural connections to support your role as this caregiver, but the process demands a significant amount of this energy, and it's not just energy mentally, it's also energy physically. It's like upgrading your computer, right? You're getting new programs that are being installed. Your system is gonna slow down while that computer is being installed. My husband is gonna be really proud of me as a software engineer for using that. But I want to tell you it's not. It's not that your system is broken, it's just going through an update, right.

Speaker 1:

So this rewiring affects several key areas of your brain. It's in effects including responsibilities of memory, focus, decision-making. It's why you might find it harder to remember things or stay organized or juggle multiple tasks at once, which is absolutely crazy to me to think, because we as moms have to juggle everything at once, right? And so no wonder we drop the balls, no wonder we don't feel like we've got it all together, because your brain is prioritizing the essential task of nurturing and caregiving, which leaves less mental bandwidth for all these other cognitive functions that we have to take care of and remember. Right, you're not just dealing with energy demands of rewiring your brain. You're likely sleep deprived. Right, you're managing the mental load of motherhood, and this actually is a concept that refers to that invisible cognitive labor that moms carry. Right, keeping track of everyone's schedules, remembering what groceries are needing, staying on top of appointments, managing the emotional wellbeing of the entire family and not just emotional wellbeing of, like, grown adults, which often happens, but also these like little humans who have no idea what their emotions are and are often overwhelmed by them. Like it's a lot, and it's no wonder that many moms feel mentally exhausted.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and now here's another one. Let's talk about the nervous system, because it plays such a massive role in how we experience mom brain. When we talk about fight or flight, we're usually referring to how the body reacts to stress, but what's important to understand is that motherhood puts your nervous system on that high alert almost constantly. This is what I was talking about with the intrusive thoughts. So this happens for a couple of reasons. Right, your body and brain are wired to protect your baby, as I mentioned earlier. So you're like you're hyper attuned to your baby's knees. You're constantly scanning your environment for danger or distress.

Speaker 1:

Even when you're relaxing, your nervous system is in a fight or flight mode. It's ready to jump into action at the first sound of a cry or a whimper, right Even to the point of like. When we're in the grocery store and we don't have our babies or maybe we were like I just need a moment to go get a latte you hear another woman's baby cry and you're like, oh my gosh, what's happening? What's going on? That sounds like a cry of needing milk, that sounds like a distress, like your brain is constantly going, even if your baby is not there. Right, this is the constant state of alertness that is so exhausting and it drains you mentally.

Speaker 1:

And second, we can't overlook the impact of that chronic stress on the nervous system. Many moms are not physically exhausted, but also they are physically exhausted but they're also emotionally and mentally depleted. This constant stress of over-managing the household, caring for children, trying to meet personal and professional obligations it really puts a strain on the nervous system and that in itself also leads to cognitive fog and memory lapses and really difficult times concentrating. So here's, I want to tell you some of the symptoms of mom brain versus ADHD. Okay, forgetfulness and memory lapses, right, that's? One of the most common complaints from new moms is that they forget things constantly, whether it's where they put their keys or what they were about to say in the middle of a conversation. They put their keys, or were they what they were about to say in the middle of a conversation?

Speaker 1:

I will tell you I still to this day. My oldest is five and my brain has just rewired to not necessarily need a word. I can feel a word, but I will be trying to communicate something and I will legit forget the word I like. One time I will tell you I forgot the word thinking word. I like. One time I will tell you I forgot the word thinking. So I was trying to explain to somebody that I had to think about it and I was like I have to. I have to, what is that word? Like I, I'm doing it right now. I can't. I don't know what that word is. And I was like I have to. I, what is that word? I have to talk to myself in my head. And I remember that person looked at me like, oh, my word, are you okay? Like I just told somebody, I had to talk to myself in my head. Really, I meant I had to think, but I couldn't think. Right, that's mom brain Like it. It it happens, right.

Speaker 1:

And then, on top of, like you know, not only is your gray matter during postpartum you know like shrinking, just sheer exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Right, that that's what we've considered normal in motherhood because, honestly, we don't get the support that we need to to function. But that is a symptom of mom brain forgetfulness and memory lapse. It's also obviously a key symptom for ADHD and both cases can feel incredibly frustrating and it impacts daily functioning. Right, it impacts daily functioning.

Speaker 1:

Here's another one difficulty focusing and being distracted. Right, for new moms, it's hard to focus, especially when you're reading a book or following a conversation or completing a task at work. Distractions and mental fog are part of the course during postpartum phase. That's just part of going through it, and this occurs because the brain is in overdrive. It's constantly scanning that environment for your baby's needs, even if your baby is not present, and the rewiring of neural circuits, combined with the lack of sleep, makes it hard to focus on other less urgent matters. And this is also a prime symptom of ADHD, and it's like the inability to focus for extended periods of time, or like the need to jump from task to task.

Speaker 1:

And I want to tell you, as moms, we are constantly having to jump from task to task, even if it's not something that we want to do, because there's so many demands of being a mother. I have to breastfeed while simultaneously cooking my toddler a meal. And, oh wait, I have to pee because I haven't done so in five hours, and so I'm going to have to carry my baby and my toddler to the bathroom. And now I'm teaching them about how to use the potty. And now, where the heck was I? I forgot where I was doing. Oh crap, I am at the stove trying to cook a meal, rushing back Right and and you, just like, now, now I got to go change a diaper, right, oh, and my toddler has to go potty now because I went potty Right Like you are literally like that. That's a legit scenario that you know. In my life I've been there, done that for kids, I will tell you. But that's, that's motherhood and the things that we're having to juggle, whether we want to or not. So jumping from task to task is kind of one of those skills that we have to master, that we have to do. It's a gift of the mom brain and often, sometimes can feel like a curse. The mom brain and often, sometimes can feel like a curse. Hey, I'm going to be 100% straight with you.

Speaker 1:

The postpartum world is changing right now and I know you feel it. It's in the politics, our community spaces. There is an urgent need to implement a different approach to postpartum health. If you're an alternative provider or postpartum advocate, you need to be with us in the Postpartum University. Pro Membership Get the method, the tools, the handouts, the advanced trainings and so much more to not only help your clients and your business grow, but to help you grow too. Marketwatch says that the afterbirth services and nutrition and support is set for extraordinary growth by 2030. Don't miss your opportunity to help women and families who desperately need your holistic support. Go to wwwpostpartumucom. Slash membership. We're accepting registrations right now and we can't wait to see you there.

Speaker 1:

Here's the other one executive dysfunction, right, which is really the difficulty of organizing and completing tasks, but how in the world are you supposed to do that when you're having to jump from thing to thing right. Many moms in the postpartum period. They struggle with executive function and the cognitive ability to organize and plan and execute, and the day to day feels like just chaos, from trying to keep track of feedings and apps and diapers and changes and housework and juggling your own self-care and changes and housework and juggling your own self-care. And this is due to the mental load of motherhood and your brain that is constantly prioritizing your baby's needs over your own so that you can continue keeping the next generation safe and healthy and growing right. And again, that is a key issue in ADHD as well. This executive dysfunction and people struggle with planning and organizing and keeping a schedule and in both cases it feels like not having it all together. But I will tell you, with ADHD, the symptoms is not solely related to postpartum. It's something that usually you've had for a really long time, and I'll get to that in a minute because I really want to help you differentiate between the two. Here's another one, though, that needs to be addressed Emotional dysregulation.

Speaker 1:

Postpartum moms. They have emotional ups and downs. We've normalized this and I want to tell you that a lot of these symptoms have been normalized and, yes, there is a component of them that are necessary, that are going to happen, no matter how well nourished, well slept, well cared for that we are as mothers, they're going to happen. This is mom brain is going to happen at some level because of what is biologically taking place in your brain, meaning you have zero control over it. This is just how the body functions after giving birth. However, there's so much that we can do, but when we're a lot, lot of times we're we experience this up and down of emotions and almost like a roller coaster the constant demands of a newborn, the disruption of normal sleep patterns, the overwhelming mental load that leads to irritability and frustration and mood swings, and they're tied to hormonal fluctuations too, right Like the drop in estrogen after birth and sleep deprivation and just like the overall adjustment to motherhood. The difference here is that it sometimes feels like it goes on and on, but with ADHD, the emotional swings feel more frequent, at least that's what science tells us. But as a mother of four and as somebody who has worked with thousands of women, I want to kaposh that completely, because oftentimes in motherhood the fluctuation of emotions far surpass anything that I have ever experienced with someone who has ADHD. Okay, and, of course, we can't forget the mental and physical exhaustion, because, again, rewiring the brain takes a lot of energy. The restructuring of that brain, plus everything else that we have to deal with, it's exhausting and it feels debilitating. Right, it is really difficult, okay.

Speaker 1:

So how do you know if you're dealing with mom brain or if it could be ADHD? Right, here are some of the ways that you can tell. One is duration, right. If the symptoms you're experiencing only begin after pregnancy or during your pregnancy, then likely it may not be the case. Or if you feel like it improves as you get more sleep and as you kind of settle into your new role, it's probably just mom brain, not ADHD. But if these symptoms were present before motherhood, it might be worth exploring if you have ADHD. But if these symptoms were present before motherhood, it might be worth exploring if you have ADHD. And exploring before ADHD is also exploring nutritional deficiencies. It's also exploring trauma, right, I'll share a little bit more after here, but I often feel and see how many people are diagnosed with ADHD when it's not ADHD at all. It's a trauma response or it's from lack of an appropriate lifestyle that leads to better brain function, particularly around nutrition. Particularly around nutrition. Okay, the other component is consistency. Right, mom's brain fluctuates all the time, so sometimes like it feels like you're getting more sleep and things feel better, and then with ADHD, it's not so. It's not so inconsistent, right. It feels like no matter the external circumstances that are happening in your life, it's always like the symptoms are always, always there and the best thing you can do is just go seek a professional help. But I want you to be really cognizant and really aware, because our professionals there's some absolutely amazing ones out there but a lot of providers are just checking off boxes. They're looking for a list of symptoms.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to tell you a really, really personal story here. I was married many, many years ago almost 20, which is crazy to think about, really. Yeah, that's, that's. I'm just realizing that I'm talking to you. I was married right after high school and my then husband had tried some Adderall that his friend had given him and he loved it. He loved it so much that he got online and looked up the symptoms of ADHD and went to a doctor and told him all of his symptoms and that he's had them all of his life and these were all his struggles. He's had them all of his life and these were all his struggles. And the provider says, wow, you are like seriously textbook version of what it means to have ADHD. And he said, yeah, I know, and he got prescription medications. It was really close to the time, you know. There was lots of other issues and drugs involved and it was time for me to get out of the relationship because it became unsafe and Adderall was a key component to that. He was very it was just so easy to get a diagnosis without looking further.

Speaker 1:

Okay, like what's really happening and of course, that's like I'm not saying that's everyone, I'm not saying that's you know any scenarios that had happened, trauma related, that may really stick out to you that may have changed the way your brain actually functions? Or you know what kind of vitamins and minerals and lifestyles are you? Are you living, if you're living, in a stressed out go-to world where maybe your job has you constantly on call or, like you have an addiction to your phone? Let's be real, that is a massive percentage of our society which absolutely gives us symptoms of ADHD and keeps us very, very distracted and in a state of dysfunction. We know that vitamins and minerals and that when we're lacking many of those that it resembles symptoms of ADHD, among other things, like depression and anxiety. All of these things need to be looked at first, before that ADHD diagnosis happens.

Speaker 1:

So find a provider who is willing to go to the depths with you and to really look at the whole picture, your whole body, how you're really feeling, and dive into those so that you can get to the other side, oftentimes without medication. So you know, sometimes it's necessary, sometimes it's not, sometimes it's a matter of changing the way we are engaging with our life and making sure that we're eating really well and we're getting enough sleep and all of the things that are so hard for moms to do without the necessary support systems and lifestyle shifts that are so necessary that I talk about extensively on this podcast, right? So if you are a mom and you're like, what in the world do I do in order to help my body feel better and my brain feel better throughout all of these cognitive changes, which I will tell you if you're asking, it takes a solid two to three years to go through, and for many of us, that means we're already pregnant with the next baby, and so our brain never had a chance really to, you know, recover from all of those cognitive changes and those biological normal changes that were occurring. We just continue going and our brains keep changing. It doesn't matter if you have one baby, it doesn't matter if you have 10 babies every single time you have a baby, your brain goes through this change every single time. And so the best way you can do and the best things that you can do for yourself I don't care if you have mom brain or ADHD or both make sure that you're getting rest and sleep whenever possible. Like, absolutely make sure that you're getting everything you need when it comes to rest, it is a non-negotiable Figure out a strategy. I don't care if it's hiring somebody, I don't care if it's like taking shifts with your partner, like whatever it means, like going to bed earlier, getting up later, how one person takes this shift, the other person. Like get creative, figure it out, even if it has to be a temporary solution where you're asking family members to come in and give you some sleep, or I don't care. There's so many different things that you can do. I've got an episode on it.

Speaker 1:

Regulate your nervous system, right Practices like deep breathing and meditation and gentle movement. It really helps calm overstimulated nervous systems and improve focus. One of the best tools is the deep breathing. If you learn to breathe well throughout your day, it will be life-changing for you. And, of course, nutrition this is my go-to. It is the foundation. You will never regulate your nervous system. You will never get really good rest If your body is depleted. You have to fuel your body and your brain with foods that are rich in vitamins B and antioxidants, and minerals and omega-3s. It is a non-negotiable. You have to get it.

Speaker 1:

And then, of course, getting support. Don't hesitate to ask for help from a partner, a family member, a friend, somebody you hire. If you're in that position to do so, I'm going to tell you you're not going to regret it. You will regret not asking for help, though, and it doesn't just get better because time has lapsed, time goes on and then it's supposed to get better. No, if you're depleted and you're not getting what you need, it doesn't just get better, it gets worse. So make sure that you're getting what you need now, getting the support. Reach out. If you're like I don't know where to go, send me a message on Instagram. I will be happy to tell you. Here's some of the places where you want to focus your energy, or here's where you know you might want to look into a little bit deeper, or call this person. They'll be able to help you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I really want you to take away from this conversation, whether you're dealing with mom brain or ADHD, that you are not broken. Your brain is doing exactly what it needs to adapt to this new chapter of your life and, in case of mom brain, your mind is rewiring itself. It's focusing on nurturing, caregiving and survival. It's building stronger connections where it matters most, which is between you and your child, and this feels overwhelming right now, but it's part of the incredible transformation of motherhood. And if you're a provider listening in and I know there's so many providers who listen into this show this is what you can do to support your clients.

Speaker 1:

Or, if you suspect that ADHD might be a thing, looking at some of those other avenues of trauma, of mental health, of nutrition and lifestyle and all of those components, before coming to a conclusion of ADHD and you all, probably, if you're listening to here, you already know that and if you suspect ADHD, I want you to remember that this is not a flaw. It's just a way your brain processes information and navigates the world and, honestly, it's kind of becoming the new normal. So it's really easy to understand these differences and kind of seek the right support. And that also goes with making sure that you create a lifestyle that supports your different brain. That, again, is not becoming so different because so many people are experiencing it. Is not becoming so different because so many people are experiencing it and and supporting yourself in those ways, um and and reducing the amount of of struggle that you have, like there's so much that we can do, that's in our control, and making sure that you're getting the help and the support systems in place that you can do that.

Speaker 1:

The mental fog, the forgetfulness that you can do that the mental fog, the forgetfulness, the scattered thoughts they're all a part of this mom journey, this wild, beautiful journey of motherhood. So, instead of being hard on yourself, I want you to flip the script. What if we embrace this stage of life with self-compassion, knowing that your brain is undergoing massive change and you are growing in ways you cannot fully see? And, at the end of the day, whether it's mom brain or ADHD, what matters most is that you're showing up, you're doing your best and sometimes that is all we can do. So. Give yourself some grace. Take it one day at a time and remember you got this.

Speaker 1:

There are support people here for you and if you found this episode helpful, I encourage you. Please share it with a fellow mom who might need to hear it, or leave a review to help us reach more people going through this very real experience, because together we're navigating the messiness of motherhood and there's power in knowing that you are not alone. So thanks so much for tuning in. Until next time, take care of yourself. I am so grateful you turned into the Postpartum University podcast. We've hoped you enjoyed this episode enough to leave us a quick review. And, more importantly, I hope more than ever that you take what you've learned here, applied it to your own life and consider joining us in the Postpartum University membership. It's a private space where mothers and providers learn the real truth and the real tools needed to heal in the years postpartum. You can learn more at wwwpostpartumucom. We'll see you next week.

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Maranda Bower

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