Postpartum University® Podcast

How to Overcome Postpartum Chronic Exhaustion EP 195

• Maranda Bower, Postpartum Nutrition Specialist

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Motherhood is exhausting, but it's not just about sleepless nights.

In this episode of Postpartum University, we dig into the hidden causes behind postpartum chronic exhaustion that go beyond the obvious. From mineral depletion and deficiencies to unprocessed trauma and societal pressures of being a mom, you'll uncover the real culprits draining your energy—and learn actionable strategies to heal from the inside out.

Whether you’re a mom navigating this journey or a provider supporting postpartum wellness, this episode is packed with insights to help you overcome postpartum chronic exhaustion and reclaim your energy and vitality.

 Check out this episode on the blog:  https://postpartumu.com/how-to-overcome-postpartum-chronic-exhaustion-ep-195

KEY TIME STAMPS:
1:21 - Introduction: Chronic exhaustion in motherhood is more than just sleepless nights.

3:20 - Nutrient depletion: Magnesium, iron, and their critical roles in energy and recovery.

5:26 - How nutrient deficiencies impact hormone production and sleep quality.

6:39 -The impact of unprocessed trauma on mental and physical health.

8:03 - Societal pressure and lack of postpartum support exacerbate trauma.

9:12 - Fight-or-flight response: How trauma keeps the nervous system in overdrive.

12:38 - Cyclical rest: Honoring your body’s rhythms for better energy.

14:37 - Cultural traditions of postpartum rest vs. Western "bounce back" expectations.

18:40 - Overexhaustion: Why being overtired makes it harder to rest and recover.

20:52 - Overcoming societal pressures and redefining success as a mom.

22:43 - Tools for nervous system regulation to combat stress and fatigue.

26:53 - Simple practices like breathing exercises, body scans, and mindful movement.

29:45 - Full body scan: A guided relaxation tool for releasing physical tension.

32:16 - Final reflections: Becoming your children's example of balance and rest.

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Speaker 1:

The postpartum care system is failing, leaving countless mothers struggling with depression, anxiety and autoimmune conditions. I'm Miranda Bauer and I've helped thousands of providers use holistic care practices to heal their clients at the root. Subscribe now and join us in addressing what modern medicine overlooks, so that you can give your clients real, lasting solutions for lifelong wellbeing. Hello, hello, welcome to today's show. We're gonna be talking about a silent epidemic among moms exhaustion. But we're not just gonna talk about those sleepless nights because, let's be honest, exhaustion for moms goes far beyond a simple lack of sleep. It's about an entire system of habits and beliefs that keep us depleted, tired and running on empty, often without us even realizing it, often with us just completely blaming motherhood of oh, this is just exhausting because I'm not sleeping at night or I'm chasing children. All of that, yes, is true, but I wanna take this a lot deeper. There is a mix of hidden factors that keep many moms stuck in this cycle, and today I really wanna dive into the five overlooked areas that contribute to this chronic exhaustion, from mineral deficiencies to societal pressures, and how each plays a very critical role in how we feel. So, if you're a mom or a provider and you're listening into this. This episode is exactly for you, okay, so let's first dive into this a little bit deeper. Habit one minerals and depletion. And this should be a no brainer for you, especially if you follow this podcast. I talk about this stuff so often.

Speaker 1:

One of the most common but hidden causes of chronic exhaustion among moms is nutrient depletion, especially minerals. During pregnancy and breastfeeding, the body's drawing on your mineral stores like magnesium, iron, zinc all to support a growing healthy baby, and if these stores are not replenished adequately, it can lead to ongoing fatigue and muscle weakness and even symptoms that look like anxiety and depression but really are just nutrient depletion. Over 80% of women are depleted of key nutrients. That's massive Magnesium in particular. Let's talk about magnesium for a second, because it's known as the relaxation mineral and it supports restful sleep. It helps manage stress and assist in muscle recovery, and magnesium deficiency alone can make you feel wired but tired and restless and tense but with no energy to keep going. That is a very common thing that I see for moms. Iron deficiency is something else that I hear very often. It's very common after birth, especially in moms who experienced any sort of significant blood loss, and it can lead to lower energy levels and poor concentration. It makes everyday demands of motherhood feel so overwhelming, and research shows that around 40% of women are iron deficient postpartum that's significant and even more are lacking adequate magnesium. And without addressing these deficiencies, sleep will only go so far, because your body simply doesn't have the tools it needs to recover and rebuild. It can't actually get to a place where it can heal the body and instead it's just going to keep stacking against each other and become very overwhelming. It's like the snowball effect and become very overwhelming. It's like the snowball effect, right?

Speaker 1:

I highly recommend that, as healthcare providers, you really help identify any mineral deficiencies and suggest some whole food based options and dietary adjustments. If you're not talking about nutrition in your practice, you are absolutely missing out. Your clients are missing out. I have some handouts that would be absolutely amazing for you. I'll link those in the comments. If you're feeling like you're not in a position to talk about nutrition, you can at least hand these out and say here is a really key component to getting better sleep. We literally can't process the hormones necessary to sleep if we're not able to create the hormones in the first place. And how do we create those hormones? Through nutrition. They're like the building blocks of everything. So there's step number one. If that's not addressed, I'll take this a little further. If that's not addressed, nothing else can be addressed right, because if you have nutritional deficiencies, or your clients do, then what happens is is your nervous system could never be in a state of regulation because it never has what it needs to fully function, and that goes with every little thing. Okay, so that's number one.

Speaker 1:

Number two what I see so often is unprocessed trauma and unhealed wounds, physical and emotional impacts of childbirth. That's monumental and it's normal for the body and mind to need time and care to heal. But in today's society, mothers are often expected to bounce back, and often without ever addressing the trauma that birth can sometimes bring. 45% of women in the United States believe that their births were traumatic, and this is not the same as challenging. This is not the same as difficult. These words are not interchangeable. I am specifically talking to the word trauma and its deepest, most real form. That's a lot of women who are going through something really challenging, who might have flashbacks, who might have sleepless nights, who can't get it off their brains like this is really difficult, or who constantly feel like anytime they think about their baby or they think about XYZ, that this constantly comes up for them, and there's a multitude of ways in which moms and people in general just process trauma or live through trauma, and this is something that has to be addressed.

Speaker 1:

And often, not only are we experiencing it, more as a society, we often go into postpartum with so little support. We have zero support during this time, so we can't deal with the trauma because we're so busy trying to figure out how to breastfeed and how to navigate motherhood and why am I bleeding and like all of the things that come with postpartum that nobody really fully tells us about, and so that becomes that what we have to deal with. We have to learn how to take care of this human being, often with our own bodies, which feels like a completely foreign thing to us, because we've just gone through birth and here we are having this trauma and we just can't deal with it right now. So often it just gets tucked under the rug and then we end up having to work through other things. So this societal pressure to bounce back and the constant unprocessing of this trauma and how it lingers in our bodies it literally changes us on a cellular level.

Speaker 1:

It changes your clients on a cellular level and this unprocessed trauma can lead to chronic fatigue, anxiety, a sense of being stuck emotionally, which contributes directly to physical exhaustion. Because what happens is is your nervous system is stuck in a high state of fight or flight and in order to stay in that state of fight or flight of constant like oh my gosh, am I in danger? Because that's exactly what happens in trauma. You are stuck in that space. That in itself requires a lot of physical, emotional and mental energy, often without your choice, but it's exhausting to live in that state and so many moms don't realize that even years later, that unhealed wound, those traumas, whether physical, from a complicated delivery or emotional, from birth trauma or even abuse that you've experienced in your lifetime or something really difficult that maybe you haven't processed in early childhood or your teen years or in your relationship. Oftentimes that comes roaring up in postpartum because there are opportunities to heal.

Speaker 1:

This is a whole new episode in and of itself about how we often are faced with really challenging things that have been left undone in postpartum. I see it so frequently in the moms that I have supported over the last 15 years, and I hear it from providers too as well. Like this is something that consistently comes up. You will have to revisit these things and they don't ever go away until they're dealt with. And I will tell you, keeping it in your body, in your bones, in your cells, it will destroy you over time and it ultimately drains everything. It drains all of your reserves and you will never feel truly restored. So if you are in this position and you're listening in and you're like, yep, this resonates. I'm telling you this is an area where you have to set aside time to focus. I'm telling you this is an area where you have to set aside time to focus.

Speaker 1:

And for those of you who are providers and professionals, if you're not addressing this, also big, big key thing for you to get on, because so often, even those who are in therapy and counseling, I hear many times that they're working through anxiety or they're working through postpartum depression, and underlying all of that is really trauma and that never gets addressed. And because that never gets addressed, then the postpartum depression and anxiety will continue and linger on, because the root of it is never fully being taken care of. And so it's very important to go see someone who is trained, who understands postpartum and the depths of it and who gets it. So therapy, support groups, even talking about it with trusted friends and family, who are nonjudgmental, who can really help bring areas of healing to this and really break that silent cycle that is occurring within you. And I tell you, when you start working through this, you'll start sleeping better. It's amazing. It's amazing.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so habit number three and this is what one thing that I see very frequently is this go, go, go lifestyle and ignoring the need for rest, especially for the cycles of women. So modern society has encouraged us to be in this constant state of productivity and we feel like if we don't keep up with these standards of doing it all, then we're failing. And how unrealistic is this? I don't even care if you're postpartum, I don't even care if you have a baby. Really, your body as a woman, as a female, listening into this podcast, I'm telling you you have a different rhythm. You have a cycle that's it's very cyclical in nature, that requires rest and reflection, and then movement, and then taking a step back again and you go through this beautiful cycle that actually works with your menstrual cycle and it is not this go, go, go, go, go, go go. And so when we are not honoring those cycles, especially in the years after having a baby, what we're doing is we're becoming chronically exhausted.

Speaker 1:

And in cultures around the world, I will tell you, there are traditions of extended rest for new moms. If you're listening into this, you probably already know this, right. Sometimes we have, like these, 40 days of rest. Entire communities and families step forward to support moms. But in the Western culture, many moms return to work within a few weeks after giving birth and they feel pressured to do it all almost immediately after birth. And if they don't do it all, then you're not a good mom, right? And this chronic drive to keep going without pause leads to burnout and, in many cases, serious health conditions.

Speaker 1:

I will tell you, if you're not giving your body the ebb and flow and following the rhythms of what works for you and actually paying attention to those, your body's going to crash. It's going to force you to listen. You either listen now and honor it, or you don't and you crash and then you have to listen to it later. Anyway, I highly recommend that, if you're not tracking your cycles, to start doing so now, because you'll notice it's so fascinating, even if if you're like, oh, my cycles are great, right, which I don't hear a lot of women say, it is possible, it is doable.

Speaker 1:

I love my cycle and I tell you, I track it all the time and I know exactly when I'm going to be in a state of energy and I know, for the most part, right, and I know exactly when I'm going to start feeling like I just want to go inward or I just want to be on the couch and snuggle with my kids and watch Netflix. Like I know exactly what I'm going to feel and even the emotions that are going to come with it. Right, and that when I'm able to honor that and set my life up, I literally y'all, I schedule my life around my cycle when I am looking at okay, when am I going to get my kids dental appointments? I got to take four kids to the dental office Like I can tell you that's not going to happen when I am on my cycle and bleeding that's not going to happen when I'm on my period. It's going to happen during ovulation, when I've got energy and I'm ready to go, and I have to make sure that that is consistent, like I'm making sure that I'm scheduling around those times and honoring those times and that when I am starting to enter into the phase of my period and bleeding, that I am giving myself ample time to rest, that I'm actually not scheduling anything. I will, I will. I actually I feel like I'm saying this often. I'm telling you my strategy of what I do for my own cycle I will block off the calendar. There are days that we'll have an X through it and that is like nothing is happening during that day. Sorry, it's not gonna happen, cause I need space to just be in my own right, and sometimes it also means scheduling alone time. I'm telling you it's a game changer and when you start going with the ebb and flow of your cycles, it will radically shift the way you rest right. It will radically shift the way you rest and you will reframe your relationship with rest right. You will see it as productive. You will see it as productive, you will see it as necessary and healing and I almost I call it like this micro rest period of where you know you might not be like flat out sleeping, but you are in a state of like just relaxation, of just like recovering from the busy week that you've had or whatever, or the busy month. That you've had right. It's a game changer and it makes nights sleeping nights so much easier, so much easier.

Speaker 1:

Here's another component and I'll just give you a little tip. You know we're very aware of when our children are overtired. And when our children are overtired, like what happens? They wake up consistently. Their sleep is disruptive, like they have a harder time staying asleep because they become so wired and their nervous system becomes so in a state of fight or flight that it's very hard to get them in a state of like just constant rest, that it's very hard to get them in a state of like just constant rest. It's weird that, biologically, when we need rest the most, that we're consistently waking in the night because we're overtired. It doesn't make sense. But in the standpoint of the way our nervous system works and how it's all intertwined together, it really does make a huge difference. And this happens to us too Sometimes, when we are so overtired that we're going to find that we're not going to sleep as well.

Speaker 1:

We have to give ourselves days, sometimes even weeks, to catch up. And if you're a mom who's been sleepless for years and then you're finally getting to a place where your kids are sleeping through the night. I see this so often, yet you still can't sleep. This is that right there, you have to start working on mineral repletion, nutrient repletion, and really honing in on your cycles and very much making sure you're giving yourself ample time to rest. And I see this too, where it's like okay, well, I am sleeping. Really amazing, I've slept so good, but yet I'm still so exhausted, even though I might be eating really well and I'm healing really well and I'm doing all of the things.

Speaker 1:

And let me tell you, when your body is like finally able to relax, after holding on of years worth of struggle, of depletion, of not sleeping, of a nervous system imbalance, right when it finally feels safe enough to relax and sleep, well, your body's just going to want to sleep. It's just gonna want to sleep and that's completely okay. Let yourself give yourself a month of just like I'm going to hardcore rest really really well, and give my body the space that it needs to go into the state of deep healing, cause that's exactly what's happening Finally I can rest, finally I'm feeling in balance, finally I'm getting what I need, and now your body's just going to do it. And oftentimes that healing takes place when you were sleeping, and if it hadn't gotten that in a long time now, it's just going to make up for it. So allow your body to rest, allow yourself to have extra extended times in bed and to honor that without thinking, oh gosh, I'm just being lazy or this is terrible, what's wrong with me? I'm so exhausted, really. You're so exhausted because you've spent years being exhausted and now you finally have this reprieve and you have to honor that in order to not be exhausted anymore. Give yourself time to rest.

Speaker 1:

Okay, here's number four consistently meeting external expectations. This is a big one Motherhood comes with, like this heavy dose of societal expectations, like how we should raise our children and how we should balance work and how we should look, and this pressure and the guilt that often follows leaves many moms to ignore their own needs and focus entirely on meeting these external standards. And when we are constantly reaching for standards that's set outside of ourselves, we spend energy we don't have, and that leaves us exhausted, depleted and oftentimes, dare I say, resentful, absolutely resentful. And the energy spent keeping up appearances or doing things just because it's expected, or showing up at the PTA, or making sure that your church has all the baked cookies, or whatever the case may be, I will tell you it can drain your reserves faster than a sleepless night and over time, this compounds turning manageable fatigue into this chronic exhaustion. So really evaluate where you may be running on autopilot to meet expectations that don't resonate with your personal values. And that goes back to looking at your calendar and what you're doing and making sure that you're setting yourself up within your own capacity. Within your capacity, create boundaries around activities or demands that don't serve you well and don't serve your wellbeing or your families, and give yourself permission to redefine what success looks like for you or what happiness looks like for you or what balance looks like for you.

Speaker 1:

Here's the fifth one. I have mentioned this already as poor nervous system regulation and that a lot of that comes with the trauma nervous system regulation, and that a lot of that comes with the trauma, but it also stay. It goes even deeper because, as mothers, we are in a constant state of vigilance. We have these tiny humans that rely on our, our, our, ourselves. We've got to keep them alive, right? Sometimes the best of days is just taking a step back and saying, okay, I did it, I kept them alive One more day, I got this Because it's hard work, children and safety that can tax the nervous system all day long. And so, from these daily stresses like managing a busy household and keeping your toddlers and babies safe and getting their needs met, that's challenging and it's hard to balance that on top of work and family life and your own needs. And so your nervous system as a mom is often operating in that fight or flight mode and this overtaxes our adrenal glands, which creates symptoms of fatigue and irritability and emotional burnout.

Speaker 1:

And I want to tell you, I see so many providers focus on adrenal support, and I get it. Our adrenals are really, really important, but oftentimes we're focusing there without addressing the actual root cause of the issue itself. Our adrenal glands don't need our support. They're going to heal by themselves all day long. But we have to first change the lifestyle that created that burnout in the first place, that it created that these adrenal glands to crash in a big way. And when we first address that and start living a better lifestyle, our adrenal glands will take care of themselves.

Speaker 1:

So when we're in this constant state of vigilance, it's incredibly hard for the body to rest and recharge. It not only affects sleep quality, but also makes it difficult to relax, even during the times when rest. You know we have to ensure that they're safe during sleeping. A lot of anxiety is built around this in and of itself, right, and so it can be really, really important to start incorporating nervous system down regulation. Practices is what I call down regulation. So I don't want you to think of this as like adding in more things into your day, but really start looking at where you can plug this into what you're already doing. So breathing exercises when you are playing games with your toddlers or when you're bouncing your baby to get them to sleep. Do gentle stretches when your kids are at the park running around, and whatever you can do like. Just fit in, like these, these gentle stretches, breathing exercises, simple walking outside you can do that with your kids. That is all practical things that you can incorporate to support your nervous system.

Speaker 1:

And let me tell you game changer meditation on thoughts that serve you. You already meditate. You do it all the time. You think random thoughts all the time. You think reoccurring thoughts all the time, especially if you have depression or anxiety. You're constantly thinking of something. You have depression or anxiety. You're constantly thinking of something. If you can think of something else that brings you joy, gratitude, love, right? Even if it's like I just I'm honoring my body, I'm honoring my body, like repeating, I am honoring my body, I love my body, just repeat something wonderful to yourself that you know you need to hear, either from yourself or from others. Right? If you know you need to hear it, say it to yourself and repeat it. Just sit there and breathe into it. I will tell you that is a game changer. It will help your nervous system relax so freaking much, so much. I'm gonna tell you another tool. I'm just thinking of this.

Speaker 1:

I used to be a childbirth educator. That's actually how I first first got started, right before I started doing doula work, and this is like well over 15 years ago and one of my favorite things to do in childbirth education classes was to do, like this whole body scan check-in, and so it was a part of labor prep, of really recognizing, like, where we hold tension within our bodies, and so if you want to do this, you can. You can totally do this yourself. You can actually look it up as well. I'm sure there's plenty of of YouTube videos on how to do it, but basically what you do is you get super cozy, lay down, sit down, whatever it is. You close your eyes, you take some deep breaths and then you really focus in on doing a full body scan, starting on the top of your head.

Speaker 1:

And I always tell people the first thing you're gonna do is like crunch your eyes, like really like you're scowling right, your eyes are closed but your whole forehead is scrunching and I want you to feel that tension and then release that tension. And then you go down the body, clench your jaw. Lots of people hold stress in their jaw. What does it feel to feel that clench and then release that clench? What does it feel to release that? And then do the same with your neck and your shoulders and your arms and your stomach. We hold so tightly on our stomach and our hips and our thighs and our knees and our and our legs like just go down the entire body, feel what it means to like really tighten our muscles and then relax your muscles and then go back and do it again and see and then check in with your body.

Speaker 1:

Like after once or twice of going through it, say where am I holding on to additional stress, and I will tell you. Invite your body to go even deeper. And I do this often with like jaw clenching, tight necks, tight shoulders, tight stomachs. That's where we hold a lot of our stress as human beings. And when we hold those spaces and you're like, oh, I feel relaxed. Now you release that, I want you to take it a step deeper and relax again. What does it mean to actually like, let go even more? What if I'm letting go even more?

Speaker 1:

And I would tell you I still do this practice today and I had my clients if you're a provider, do this with your clients. I'm telling you today, and I had my clients if you're a provider, do this with your clients. I'm telling you it's a game changer. I would have moms say I've never felt so relaxed in my life. I would have moms tell me I don't even feel my like body parts anymore, like they are so relaxed, like I feel like I'm in such a deep state that if I got up and moved and felt my legs again like I would trip over myself because I feel so relaxed. I would have dads fall asleep in class every single time with this like hands down, and there was at least one dad who was passed out snoring every single time. It's such a powerful tool to really support your nervous system.

Speaker 1:

Okay, lots of things for moms and for providers, i'm'm telling you, motherhood does not have to mean chronic, constant exhaustion, but it does require this deeper understanding of what's keeping us in the state of depletion. And by deeper understanding I am not talking about you need to understand how this hormone and this enzyme influences this brain wave pattern and all of those deep, nitty, gritty details. Yes, those are fun, I love them, and yes, those can be very helpful in understanding the bigger processes at hand. But what I'm saying more so is that this deeper understanding of how it all comes together and this bigger, more wider net of what do we do about it, and by recognizing and addressing these hidden habits that I've shared with you today from unprocessed trauma to redefining our relationship with rest and societal expectations really we can begin to reclaim our energy and our wellbeing throughout the day.

Speaker 1:

I was sharing with a friend recently about how I very much don't want to be that mom who's constantly stressed out, but I don't know what that looks like. Like, I see it, but how many of us, how many of us have actual like another woman that we can turn to and be like man, she's so chill, like very few of us have examples of what like a chill woman looks, like like a mom, who's just like chilling, who's cool, who's like go with the flow, like not in a stressed out state. It's, it's mind boggling to me. Me and my friend were were really chatting about this and it was like I cannot believe, like we don't have any examples of this. Right, we are, we are literally becoming those examples and I want to be that for my children. I have three girls. I don't want them to be in a constant state of exhaustion and go, go, go and like this is what it means to be a woman. I just want relaxation and flow in my day, like I just want to chill through it. I just want to be that chill person. Anyway, thank you so much for joining me today to uncover these unhidden now unhidden factors and I will tell you. You know, just remember, chronic exhaustion is just more than a lack of sleep. It's really a call for new approaches and one that honors the real needs of the body and the mind.

Speaker 1:

If you found this episode valuable, please subscribe, share it with someone who needs to hear it and always remember to take care of yourself as you navigate this beautiful and challenging path of motherhood, and for you providers. Thank you so much for doing the work that you're doing and sharing this expertise. Thanks so much for being a part of this crucial conversation. I know you're dedicated to advancing postpartum care and if you're ready to dig deeper, come join us on our newsletter, where I share exclusive insights, resources and the latest tools to help you make a lasting impact on postpartum health. The latest tools to help you make a lasting impact on postpartum health Sign up at postpartumu the letter ucom which is in the show notes, and if you found today's episode valuable, please leave a review to help us reach more providers like you. Together, we're building a future where mothers are fully supported and thriving.

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