Postpartum University® Podcast

What Happens to Dads After Baby? The Science Behind "Dad Brain" EP 220

• Maranda Bower, Postpartum Nutrition Specialist

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Dad brain is real: Men's brains change after baby arrives too!

Ever wonder what happens to dads when a new baby enters the picture? We all know about the wild ride moms go through, but what about the silent, powerful transformation happening in partners? If you're a postpartum provider, perinatal mental health professional, or advocate for new parents, this episode is an absolute must-listen. We're discussing the biological brain changes in men after childbirth, the paternal identity shift, and why understanding these nuances is crucial for holistic postpartum care. You're about to uncover insights that will profoundly impact how you support new families, fathers in the postpartum period, and ultimately, maternal well-being. This isn't just about men's struggles; it’s about empowering all parents to thrive in early parenthood.

Check out the episode on the blog: https://postpartumu.com/podcast/what-happens-to-dads-after-baby-the-science-behind-dad-brain-ep-220/

Key Time Stamps: 

  • 00:00: Intro: Unpacking fatherhood's unseen transformation.
  •  03:17: The science of men's brain changes after baby. 
  • 04:34: Real-life impacts of paternal brain shifts. 
  • 06:13: Navigating increased anxiety and identity shifts in new fathers.
  •  07:57: Relational strain and libido changes for dads. 
  • 09:32: Acknowledging male birth trauma and secondary trauma. 
  • 12:04: The invisible load: Financial stress and protector instincts in new fathers. 
  • 14:42: The societal pressure for men to "be strong." 
  • 15:29: Why "postpartum" is specific to mothers: The biological truth.
  • 18:05: The dangers of mislabeling paternal mental health.
  • 18:46: Accurate terms for paternal perinatal mental health. 
  • 19:14: Supporting fathers: Witnessing, educating, and partnership skills.
  •  21:01: The vital balance: Supporting fathers without excusing absence. 
  • 22:11: Why a mother's postpartum journey is unique. 
  • 23:15: Holding both truths: Fathers change, postpartum is for mothers. 
  • 25:20: Call to action for providers and lasting impact on postpartum health.



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Speaker 1:

The postpartum care system is failing, leaving countless mothers struggling with depression, anxiety and autoimmune conditions. I'm Miranda Bauer and I've helped thousands of providers use holistic care practices to heal their clients at the root. Subscribe now and join us in addressing what modern medicine overlooks, so that you can give your clients real, lasting solutions for lifelong wellbeing. Hey, hey, welcome back to the show. Today's episode is personal, it's unnecessary and it might just change how you see fatherhood forever. It's being released in honors of Father's Day, and that's no coincidence, because, while this podcast centers around maternal health and postpartum recovery, we can't talk about the well-being of mothers without also talking about the transformation that happens in fathers. So yes, you heard me right. Change too, not just emotionally, but biologically, neurologically, hormonally, energetically all the things. It's not talked about enough, it's not studied nearly as much, but the evidence is clear becoming a father literally rewires the male brain, and when men are actively involved in caregiving, the science shows that the brains and the body shift in powerful and measurable ways. And we need to talk about that Because, on one hand, honoring the shift in fathers allows us to see their experience more clearly. It gives them the language and the tools to receive support. It lets them be human, which is a massive missing part in all of care in this time and space. But on the other hand, there's a growing trend I've seen and frankly it's concerning, and it's the tendency to use the term postpartum depression for fathers, and I get it. It's well-intentioned, it's meant to highlight that dads can struggle too. But here's the thing men don't go through postpartum. That term was created to describe a deeply physiological, biological process unique to women, and repurposing it for men, even with compassion, does more harm than good. So today I'm going to cover two things we're going to honor and celebrate the real changes men go through after becoming fathers, because they really, really matter, and lovingly, clearly draw a line so that we protect the sacred space that is postpartum for mothers. This episode is for the dads, it's for the partners, it's for the providers who support both parents, for anyone trying to understand this transition more fully and for those of us doing the hard work of redefining what true postpartum care actually looks like, because when we tell the truth, even when it's complex or messy, we create a space for everyone to heal. So let's dig in.

Speaker 1:

You may have heard about the incredible brain shifts that happen for women in postpartum. Maybe just maybe, especially if you've listened to this podcast and the rewiring of the maternal brain, the loss of gray matter and creating and very specific areas within the brain to enhance empathy instinct and caregiving response. But here's what most people don't realize men's brain changes, too, especially when they're actively involved in caregiving. Changes, too, especially when they're actively involved in caregiving. There was a groundbreaking 2022 study from PNAS that found that first-time fathers experience structural changes in the brain's cortex, so particularly in regions associated with emotional processing, attention and attachment, and these changes help them respond more sensitively to their infant's needs. And it doesn't stop there. Another study found that men's levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, the love hormone increases significantly when they engage in hands-on infant care. We know also that testosterone levels drop in new fathers, a biological adaptation, which it is believed to be, that lowers aggression and promotes nurturing behavior.

Speaker 1:

So becoming a father isn't just like this emotional event, although it is. It's also also also a biological metamorphosis. It changes the brain, the hormones and even the way they see and interpret the world, and this is profound. It's beautiful, and yet it's very rarely talked about. Okay, so what does this actually mean for fathers, right? So now that we know what's happening in the brain, how it's literally reshaping itself during the transition into parenthood. But what does that actually look like? So these structures and hormonal shifts aren't just data points. They're real, lived outcomes. So we have sensitivity, heightened sensitivity and emotional awareness.

Speaker 1:

So a lot of new fathers report feeling emotions in new ways deeper empathy, unexpected tenderness, a newfound sensitivity to their partner and their baby's needs. Some even feel emotionally overwhelmed at times. They're not sure how to process it, and we know that men have a tendency to feel like they have to hold that in a little bit more. Oftentimes men, especially in our generation, don't feel like they are safe in their emotions. They don't have someone that they can talk to to process it. They weren't trained or told how to process it. They were told how to hide it Right. And so this is our huge, huge component into fatherhood this brain shifting to be more attuned, more caregiving, brain shifting to be more attuned, more caregiving. It's not a weakness. We have to realize that. It's an adaptation and this part can be really difficult for a lot of men.

Speaker 1:

We also have increased anxiety about safety and responsibility. The paternal brain rewires for protection and provision and many fathers experience an uptick and intrusive thoughts. They worry about the baby's safety, the mother's safety, sudden fear of failure or this overwhelming pressure to get it right and to provide. And again, this is normal. But without a supportive outlet it can quickly escalate into chronic stress or even depression and anxiety. And then there's changes in identity like a shift is massive.

Speaker 1:

One of the biggest physiological transformations men face after having a baby is the sense of being torn between their former selves and this new role as a father. Who am I? Where does my ambition fit? How do I connect with my partner now that we're parents? Am I doing enough? Am I enough? These are deep existential questions and, just like with moms, they deserve a space to be explored, and many of us moms can relate to all of this because we also experience these big identity shifts and we ask the same questions right, so we can really feel this on a deep level. We can feel empathy for this as well. The other thing, too, is the shifts in libido and body awareness. So lower testosterone and higher oxytocin levels can lead to this temporary shift in libido and mood and even how fathers feel in their own body. So, while this is biologically adaptive, many men are not expecting it and they might feel confused and even ashamed.

Speaker 1:

And then there's relational strain. A father's mental and emotional landscape shifts in a way that impacts his partnership. If emotional support and communication and shared responsibility are not nurtured, resentment or disconnection may build. And this is made harder when the father doesn't have the words or the tools to express what he's going through. And we feel it too as moms that shared responsibility and that connection and that emotional support. When that's not nurtured, resentment or disconnection may build as well. And so we have both of these happening simultaneously in very different ways that are presenting and the same kind of symptoms. And when they are not intertwined, when they don't come together, it creates havoc, it creates problems within the relationship.

Speaker 1:

And so when men change after having a baby, there is a lot that is happening, right. They're not just more tired, they're not just needing to adjust, but literally being reprogrammed to love and protect and provide and new, biologically driven ways. This is challenging, right? Society often doesn't give men permission or language to talk about these shifts, and then the silence can become sufferable. And then there's birth trauma and secondary trauma, before we can even talk about the invisible load of fatherhood.

Speaker 1:

We need to address something that is rarely ever acknowledged, and that's that many men experience birth trauma, even if they didn't give birth right. We often think that birth trauma as something that happens only to the mother. But witnessing a birth, especially when things go unexpectedly emergency interventions, hemorrhage, cesarean, the baby not breathing right right away that can be deeply traumatizing for fathers. They may not even recognize it as trauma a lot of the times, but it shows up in their nervous system in a way that they like hyper fixate on safety and the way they pull away, in the way that they can't sleep. And then there's secondary trauma absorbing the stress, pain or suffering of someone that they love. Watching their partner bleed, break down, cry with exhaustion or pain, losing her sense of self this is traumatic too.

Speaker 1:

It lodges in the mind and body, especially if men in particular don't feel like they have the tools to support and help. They want to fix right. This is oftentimes when women say I just want you to listen to me and they're like I don't know how to listen, I just need to fix it, I need to know what you want me to do, right. And this is very applicable too If they don't know how to fix it and they are just witnessing it. Oh my word, that in itself can be such a massive, massive problem, and it doesn't go away just because a baby is healthy or time has passed right, or a mother is healthy and time has passed. And here's the catch Men are rarely given space to process any of this.

Speaker 1:

They're told to be strong, be supportive, be stable. They push it down, they carry it silently, and that unspoken trauma, it's the quiet beginning of the invisible load they'll carry for months, sometimes years to come, and it's it's funny for me to say this, because when I, because when I'm saying it for men, I'm like well, duh, like this is exactly what happens for women too, right, we're not given the space to process any of this, and we're told that we're super women and that we just this is a part of being a mother and just to move on, and we're strong and we can do it, and we push it down and we carry it silently, right, and all of the things. And it hits men very. It hits men as well, but sometimes in a different way than it hits women, and sometimes in the exact same way.

Speaker 1:

And while maternal mental health is finally gaining more visibility, what's often overlooked is this immense pressure men face in the early years and days after becoming a father, especially when it comes to the role of protector and provider. These aren't just cultural expectations. They're deeply ingrained in a man's identity. They shape how society defines you know quote unquote being a good dad. There's lots of different pressures in the way in which they can manifest. Oftentimes there's financial stress that becomes an identity stress. Men are often expected to return to work immediately, sometimes days after their partner gives birth. There's rarely a conversation about whether they need support. It's about what they're going to provide. Next right Can I afford time off? Am I earning enough? How do I support a growing family and maintain my career? What if I fail? What if I lose my job? When the ability to provide becomes entangled with self-worth, like anything any hiccup, a mispromotion, unexpected expenses or even feeling unprepared it can hit like a ton of bricks and it can hit like a crisis of identity.

Speaker 1:

And then there's this protector instinct, like the biologically and emotionally. The emotional instinct fathers often experience is like this hyper vigilance in the early postpartum period. This is instinctual. It's, you know, protect the nest, keep the family safe, but without tools to regulate that heightened sense of responsibility. It can easily become anxiety, irritability, emotional withdrawal, obsession with control, and this doesn't always get recognized as mental health. Instead, it shows up as overworking or shutting down emotionally or becoming distant, all while silently carrying the weight of keeping it all together and there's no space to say I'm not okay. Right, let's be real. There is still so little space for men to say that they're struggling. We see for women that this is becoming more and more of a normal. Where we're, we're telling women it's. We tell women all the time it's okay that you're not okay, and in truth it's really not, but we are in our process of normalizing it. We're also normalizing going to get support, we're going to get therapy and counseling, and for men, that's just not the case. We're still not even there yet.

Speaker 1:

For them, they're praised for stepping up, for being such a good dad, but behind the scenes, right, they're falling apart, they're sleep deprived, they're emotionally confused, they're financially overwhelmed. They're sleep deprived, they're emotionally confused, they're financially overwhelmed, they're terrified of getting it wrong, and then they often believe they're not allowed to struggle, especially if their partner is recovering from birth, and a birth that they witnessed and they understood how insanely difficult that was, and so they bury it and then they silence it and it's heavy. And this is where things get complicated, because these are serious emotional and mental challenges, but they are not postpartum. They are not postpartum depression. The emotional burden is real, it is valid and it needs support.

Speaker 1:

But co-opting the term postpartum, which is specific to the physiological, hormonal and neurological cascade of events that only happens to a mother's body after birth, it diminishes the biological truth of postpartum for women and for men. So let's name what's absolutely happening here and let's name it accurately and the language gets tricky. And again, it's deeply important. Yes, fathers experience emotional and psychological shifts after their child is born. Yes, they can experience depression, anxiety, disconnection, identity crisis. Again, not postpartum.

Speaker 1:

Postpartum isn't a timeframe, it's not simply after baby comes. It is a biological, neurological, endocrine, physiological state, all the things right, all the things, all the states that happen inside the body when somebody has just given birth. It involves a complete collapse and rebuild of the hormonal system, a rewiring of the maternal brain, nutrient depletion on a cellular level, physical trauma and recovery, even in easy births or quote, unquote, easy births. An immune system shift that influences inflammation and mental health, organ repositioning, literal uterine involution, milk production so much more. No matter how present and involved a father is, his body has not gone through that, and calling male mental health struggles postpartum depression is not just inaccurate Again, it's a disservice to both men and women. And instead, before I get there, here's why it matters because it dilutes the specificity of maternal care. Right.

Speaker 1:

When we use the same terminology for men and women, we lose sight of the critical need for postpartum care that addresses the unique biological recovery of mothers. It also misdiagnoses the root cause. Father's mental health struggles are often tied to identity and stress and relational changes and trauma or unprocessed grief. These are very real, but they are not the same as hormonal collapse or nutrient-driven depression, and it prevents real solutions. If we misname what's happening, we also misdirect the treatment. Men need support, but the care they need looks different than what a postpartum mother needs.

Speaker 1:

So what do we call it Like? Is there an official term? No, there is not yet an official term, but many psychologists are leaning towards more accurate, differentiated language. I'm not the first person to come up with this or to say, hey, this red flag, here something is not right. So here's a couple of things that we've been calling it unofficially, and that's paternal perinatal mental health challenges.

Speaker 1:

Paternal adjustment disorder, fatherhood transition depression. Postnatal paternal mood disorders. Depression, postnatal paternal mood disorders those are the four terms that I have been hearing and these terms acknowledge that, yes, men are emotionally affected by the arrival of a baby, but they also preserve that specificity and integrity of the postpartum state, which only applies to birthing bodies and that matters a lot. If we want to truly support families, we must support the fathers, not by calling him postpartum but by calling him forward. And fathers need a place to be witnessed, space where their fears and anxieties and identity shifts can be named without judgment.

Speaker 1:

Education on the science of what's happening in their brains and bodies. When men understand that they're not just being moody but that this is real rewiring that's happening, they soften, they begin to allow themselves some grace. Teaching partnership skills. Fathers need tools to navigate the emotional landscape of healing a mother and having a newborn and their own internal landscapes. Jokes, but like real conversations about sex after birth and mental load and resentment and fear of failure. And encouragement to seek care, therapy, coaching, body work, spiritual grounding, whatever it is that helps them root and regulate, because when fathers are supported, families have a better chance to thrive.

Speaker 1:

Now, listen, this next part might feel tender, but it's also very important to say, because, while we're here talking about the very real brain changes and identity shifts and emotional challenges that fathers face after having a baby, we need to be equally honest about what mothers are experiencing in the exact same window of time. And the truth is, many mothers come into postpartum desperate for support, only to realize that their partner doesn't know how to show up or won't, or simply wasn't prepared to meet the full depth of what postpartum requires. And this, this is the part that stings, because even though fathers go through some change, it's not the same. He didn't carry a baby for nine months, he didn't go through the physical trauma of birth, he didn't bleed for weeks or leak milk or lie awake with a racing heart wondering if her baby was breathing. He may be tired, but he's not rebuilding his body from scratch.

Speaker 1:

So, no, this is not a pass for absent partners. This is not an excuse for ignoring the care a mother so clearly deserves. What it is is an invitation, an invitation for fathers to rise, to meet the moment, to understand their role in protecting the mother and healing, and even while navigating their own growth, because when she is nourished and supported and seen, the whole family gets even stronger. So it's not either or this is both an aunt. When we support fathers so that they can better support the mothers, we can name the invisible load of men and what they go through, and that can often feel unbearable, especially for postpartum women. But we don't need to fight over who has it worse right. That is completely inappropriate and not necessary, and we need to start getting honest about what healing looks like for all of us.

Speaker 1:

So what do we take from all of this right? We take the truth that fathers change, that their brains rewire, that their hearts are expanding and their inner world is shifting, that they too feel the pressure, they feel the weight to protect, to provide, to be a steady space in a storm that they were not taught how to weather. We honor that truth, but we also hold another truth that postpartum is not something fathers go through, that the biological, emotional, hormonal and physiological transformation of becoming a mother is unmatched and it is hers. And when we give the label of postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety or whatever it is postpartum, we are watering down the truth of what happens to women. We take something sacred, something specific and wildly complex and we universalize it to the point that it loses its meaning.

Speaker 1:

And I believe there's a better way, a better way we can acknowledge the emotional changes men go through without erasing the distinct journey of postpartum women. We can support fathers to rise in their role without letting mothers fall through the cracks. We can build a culture of care that doesn't force us to choose and maybe that's the real point of all of this not to compare pain or pit one against another, but to create a postpartum world where everyone is changed and everyone is supported. Let's be let this be a reminder that we carry forward for this Father's Day. That strength is not in pretending to have it all together. It's facing what's hard, it's feeling what's real and choosing again and again to love better, lead better and care deeper together.

Speaker 1:

Thanks so much for being a part of this crucial conversation. I know you're dedicated to advancing postpartum care and if you're ready to dig deeper, come join us on our newsletter, where I share exclusive insights, resources and the latest tools to help you make a lasting impact on postpartum health. Sign up at postpartumu the letter ucom which is in the show notes, and if you found today's episode valuable. Please leave a review to help us reach more providers like you. Together, we're building a future where mothers are fully supported and thriving. Thank you for driving.

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Maranda Bower

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